Intimacy After Baby...

So I've been away from this blog for quite sometime, but put a lot of work into its successor (the mommy confidentials). 
I was away for the last trimester and first few months of my daughter's life. As we all know, after the 6 week check up (some move much faster, lol) our mates are ready for some action! Now some women may say "he has lost his mind, I just a pushed a baby out, and I want nothing going in"!! He's thinking "well damn, it's been some months now! Let's get it on"! A baby does not equal no sex life. You need your relationship and the intimacy.So here comes a crossroad, how do you both get what you want? After a baby, women tend to feel a little overwhelmed. Creating a helpful atmosphere will help her get into the mood. Take some responsibility off of her hands so that she doesn't have a headache and isn't tired. And that additional help will earn you some brownie points. Here's a great scenario. Once the evening comes around, prepare dinner and tidy up afterwards, give the baby a bath and feed them. Even if you are tired, you know your goal, so you have to sacrifice your rest :-) Once you have lightened your load, go to her, kiss her gently and when she says... I have a ton of stuff to do. You say... I took care of it! Boom!!!! She's done, and you should be well on your way between the sheets.

Now ladies, I completely understand being tired, having a headache, mild pain from healing the past 6 weeks, and just not feeling like it. Just remember that, every time you say no. Remember that one day he will stop asking or in some cases, begging. One day his head will hurt, he'll be tired, or just won't want you. That feeling of rejection will hurt, so why do the same to him. Men have feelings as well. A relationship is like a plant, you nurture and water it, if you fail to do so, it dies. Getting alone time is difficult when you have children, so get creative.
* Have a hotel room in your home. A room that you escape to in order to go to  step 2....
* Role play. I wrote an article about this topic. When you're in a relationship, it is best to keep it spicy. You be Brad and she can be Angeline, or Halle and Billy Bob, when they were on "Monsters Ball"! We all remember that scene!!!!
*Schedule a date. There is no reason to not a have a babysitter every now and then in order to grab a bite to eat.
* My favorite piece of advice....TOUCH!!! Kiss one another through the day. Caress one another, make out like teenagers.
* Talk, be honest with one another. This is your partner. If you can't tell each other, then who??

Find ways to show each other that you do appreciate them. Men and women think differently. Remember that when you are feeling some kind of way. No one is a mind reader. Discuss new fetishes, dislikes, and possibilities that you may want to try. It's all worth a try!!!

Until next time: keep it spicy! 

Self PLessure...

The older I get, I run into more women (especially young ones) that can not imagine pleasuring themselves. I hear things like " it doesn't work for me", "or "I've never tried it" " my man does it right, so I don't need to do it". One has nothing to do with the other. How do you know everything you like or how to teach him your best number, if you don't know it. There is a whole different type of orgasm that occurs when your controlling it. It helps you get to know yourself and as a woman, it is empowering! No it does not replace your mate, or make you want him any less, it can enhance what you have. When in a long term monogamous relationship, the same old thing won't work. You need some chandelier swinging, vibrating bullets, and feathers to make it more appealing and exciting! I know it is not for everyone, but at least try it before you completely deny it. Let's get spicy!!!!!

Closed mouths...

Ladies! Gentlemen! Please, if your person ( husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, jump off, sideline, or lover) isn't doing what you need done, then speak now!! Sex should not be a chore. Every person should know wall climbing, back aching, stuttering sex. It should not be the drawbridge to get to your television show or football game. Don't always assume that you must step out, in order to get your needs met. Some people have strange fetishes, you don't have to agree, but do try something new. I always say, "keep it spicy"! Lingerie, candle wax, food, whips, cuffs, swings, beads, whatever your preference, please eliminate your mundane sex life. Time to recharge, closed mounts don't get fed!

Sex...Quantity or Quality

If you are in a relationship/marriage for anything past 3 years, are having sex to keep them away from someone else or do you really enjoy it? Does quality or quantity matter? In a recent discussion I have asked several couples that have been together for years, which makes the biggest difference, quality or quantity? I've heard " we have sex weekly but I do it as a chore so I'm not really into it", "it may not always be weekly but it's always very good", " I don't do anything unless it's very good, no questions asked". Many couples have very tailored sex lives, but I have heard " it's a chore", quite a few times. I wonder why that is. Sex as a chore as a means to keep someone from cheating is just as bad as not doing it at all. Simply because the other person knows and can feel that you are not into it and that lack of intimacy can drive them in another directions. Just keep in mind, whenever you do it, no matter how, put your heart and soul in it!!!

 *photo- scribewise.com

Security Blanket...

What's the first thing you thought of?? Well remember when you broke up with that person who you just knew wasn't a good fit or at least wanted to break up. He or she won't marry you but they will stay in a relationship or even carry on a 5+ year engagement. Even if you break up, you go right back together. That's your security blanket! You know that person may not even have your best interest at heart, but your comfortable. The sex is good, really really good, so your blinded by the sheets! They are financially secure with good credit, but talks to you like a child or emasculates you, They tell your that they are still growing or just bare with them as they mature, but should you really have too? Are you a security blanket or are you using one? So, how do you get from under the covers? Well, first you must figure it out and admit it. What do you really want in life? What drives you to succeed? Can you say that without a shadow of a doubt, that this person will be there for important things. You can so easily call your friends stupid for being in the same situation, but why are exempt from your own advice? The best thing you can do to fix your situation is think about the advice you would give a friend in the same situation and TAKE IT YOURSELF!!! Only you know when your sick and tired, so only you can change it! 


   
 Image courtesy of: http://www.holistichealthandme.com

What are you looking at...

When I walk the malls, I often see women knocking their men upside the head, tapping him on the shoulder, or staring at him with a hard glare. All because of what?? You know what... The infamous look at other women. Now ladies, we must be honest with ourselves, you have looked at another man before. The difference is that you haven't been caught, lol! Why, because we use our eyes only!! Fellas, please remember that you are with your woman when looking. Don't get caught staring in another woman's eyes and making eye contact, definite no-no. Just glance, but NEVER EVER turn around to get another look. We women find that disrespectful. Now the fact is that people are human and will find others attractive, it's natural. Looking is a non physical reaction and it should remain that way. Some women will look at you before you even notice the women because she noticed her first and knows that she may be your physical type, lol!! At the end of the day, the best tip I have for the guys on this subject is simple: ONLY LOOK WITH YOUR EYES, NOT YOUR HEAD!! Your whole head should not rotate because a Maliah Michel, or Meagan Fox look-alike has walked in the mall. I know it's hard fellas, but your going home with the woman next to you, you do not want that argument for the remainder of the evening or even the week. Besides, he will only say... I was just looking, I'm with you honey...Sound familiar guys ;-)

Am I destined to be single??

So you're in a relationship for 6 months ( timeframe may vary) and decide to move in together. However, you still have a wandering eye or lustful thoughts for others. So now you want your space and think it is time to take a break even though you really care deeply for this person. You now start second guessing whether or not you should even be in a relationship. Sound familiar? Well let me give you my thoughts on the subject.... People that are in successful and happy marriages for 25 years, have found themselves looking at other people (which we discussed in the previous post). Having lustful thoughts can be very bad depending on the actions that follow. I'm a realist so please understand when I say the actions, not the thoughts, are the bigger deal. When you love someone, you have to consider how you would feel if the tables were turned. All these ingredients aren't a recipe for staying single unless you want it to be. Everything worth having is worth fighting for. It's not often that you meet a person that loves you completely, not for what you can do for them, but because of who you are. Their complete acceptance of you. We are all flawed with baggage but real love isn't that common, so if you find it, grab it! If you decide to go along with a break, see how you feel without the person. If you feel empty, then rethink that decision. If you feel free, then you made the right decision. The best start to a relationship, is a friendship. People are more forgiving of their friends, then their lovers. Friendships make the relationship stronger and places it on a better foundation. Things go wrong in love, but cutting and running because of fear or claustrophobia are not good reasons to lose out on a good thing. No one is perfect and loving is a learning process and relationship are balancing acts. Make it happen!

 

Is this love...Forever??

Recently I had a conversation with a friend about love and relationships. She said that each time she parts ways with a boyfriend, they always tell her "you're a great catch and a good woman". Simple and sweet, right?? Well that's what I thought too and I'm sure there are several men and maybe some women, that would agree. Welp... We are wrong, here is what she told me. "I'm always a great woman after they are gone and getting married to someone else. I'm always good, but not good enough to be your wife"? 
I would have never in a million years, thought about it that way. I just thought that the words were nice. So, note to self guys, once you part ways with a woman, DO NOT SAY THOSE WORDS IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE. ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE ABOUT TO OR HAVE WALKED DOWN THE AISLE. Just a word to the wise. A broken heart can heal, but it doesn't diminish the scar. 

Love or Friendship?

I was watching divorce court one day and each person was saying "I still love him/her, but I want out"! So my question is, what makes the marriage last? In my opinion, it is the friendship. No matter how much you love your mate, you must be their friend first. A marriage can not blissfully succeed without it. My reason is simple.... Your friends are easily forgiven. They may lie to you or even talk behind your back, but somehow you say it's ok and are friends once again. If at some point your spouse disagrees with you or tells you a white lie, oh it's over!!! Call the lawyers and divide this stuff up! So often do people say, Why can he/she not talk to me, the way they are so open with their friends. Well, why not open the door. First, leave the judgement, criticism, and snarky comments at the door. Your spouse wants a friend, not a tyrant, judge or jury. It's never to late unless the proceedings have begun, but even then you never know. Marriages and relationships are on a rapid decline, when the vows were said, they were said with forever on mind. Now if it is most definitely a done deal , so be it!

Mistresses & Misters...

Yes it says what you think it does. I want to discuss mistresses and misters. I gather that a male mistress is a mister. I have to discuss this since it is a very touchy topic for many people. I read an article this morning that prompted this blog post. It saddens me how much people turn on the wrong person, channel that anger correctly. When in a relationship, if you step outside of it, please know that there are rules. This is not to judge anyone, just to give you some tips. Rule #1 If you decide to step out, let's be respectful and not do it at your home. Bringing someone into the home your share with your mate, whether you live together or not, still opens you up to a ton of drama. Rule #2 When you decided to sleep with the married or involved person, you knew the possible outcome. You have to keep your boundaries and stay in the lane that you chose for yourself. Rule #3 If you are mad at anyone, let it be yourself because you may the decision. Be stronger then that. There are plenty of available people out there to give you what you want and need. Rule #4 If you decide to step out of your relationship, let it be with someone that has as much to loose as you do and values it. A person that has nothing to loose will always be a threat. Rule #5 If you think the grass is greener on the other side, try watering your own grass. Rule #6 you can't control other people, so remember that when you go there. Rule #7 Why be someone's #2 when you can be #1 to someone else. It is destructive and can and will possibly visit you in life when you are really happy. Be mindful of destructive behaviors and try to do better for yourself. Please know that no one is perfect, but everyone can be respectful and want better. Everyone can have self worth and everyone knows what they want out of life.

Opposites Attract??

Do opposites really attract??
I often hear people say opposites attract, but I wonder for how long. In the beginning people love what seems opposite to them, but after a couple of years things die.
Example 1: you love how calm she is and the fact that she stays home to wait for you. On the other hand, you're a social butterfly and the honeymoon phase is over. You want to do something, anything except stay home!! Now you're second guessing if this is the right one for you because you compromised your wants. You understand compromise, but when does that become complete sacrifice.
Example 2: He is a ton of fun, but a little sarcastic. Not dumb, but could use a peep at current events. You're the intellectual type, but he keeps you smiling. That was fun at first, but now you want to have stimulating conversation and that is a no go because of his lack there of.

Just an observation but do people become bored with what is consider the opposite??

Confidence!

Well don't you look fabulous today!!! Hope you had an awesome week!

So my question for today is simple. What makes some people more confident than others? Is it money, looks, status? So many people without those things still think very highly of themselves, as we all should. If you are one of those confident people, be a good person. I mean, I know that may sound easy. But take a moment out of your day and find someone who may not be as confident and give them a compliment. Overly confident people with money, looks and status, tend to be looked at as snotty, mean and inconsiderate. However; it is not true for all. So at some point today and this weekend, just be kind. The little things go a long way, you may change a life today!

Tata!!

www.physicalvitality.com

Role Playing and Toys

Role Playing and Toys
Some men seem to have a problem with women and their toys. I'm here to tell you that there is no need to fret! First know this, the toy is your friend! You may find that you really enjoy watching her entertain herself and then getting ready for you. Most women need you to warm up the engine, the toy can assist and do a great job. Try it out, it may become your bestfriend! Now believe it or not, many women would love to role play but they are nervous about not being taken seriously. Fellas, show us how its done! Make the move and leave a love note for her stating where to meet you. Once she gets there, you don't know her. It can be a hotel bar so that you can take her back to your room! Show her how sexy is really done! Keep me posted! Until we meet again.... {Tarah D}