Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 1/15/2011

This blog is especially dear to me. It is in remembrance of the great Dr Martin Luther King Jr. If you look around there are many things that we complain about. Our youth, the rap videos, the lyrics, the ebonics language created to increase ignorance and the constant miseducation of today. We look at where we have come from and how hard our ancestors, and civil rights leaders fought to make sure that we had a brighter future and better education. Some look around and only see disappointment, however, I see progress. Yes, it saddens me that there are those that do not understand the struggles, so they do not respect them. It hurts to see our young and older women disrespect themselves for validation. It hurts when young and old men turn their backs on their children, but find time to run the streets to be where they are not needed. These are all facts that are alive and prevalent today. Some spend so much time focusing on the wrong, they forget about the growth. On this day, those are not the things that deserve acknowledgement, so in no particular order...
It is about every ancestor that took the beating and wore the shackles, about Harriet Tubman, Sojourner Truth, Fredrick Douglass, W.E.B Dubois, Nat Turner, Paul Laurence Dunbar, Emmitt Till, Denise McNair, Carole Robertson, Cynthia Wesley, Addie Mae Collins (16th St. bombing), Franklin McCain, Joseph McNeil, Ezell Blair, Jr., David Richmond (Greensboro four), James Meredith (first black student to enroll in the Univ of Miss.), Thurgood Marshall, Rosa Parks, Malcolm X, Madam C.J Walker, Maya Angelou, Iyanla Vanvant, Oprah Winfrey, Spike Lee, Langston Hughes, Al Sharpton, Bill Cosby, Common, Dr Cornel West, Sinbad, Velma Scantleberry (first black woman transplant surgeon), Ruby Dee, Ossie Davis, Tyler Perry, Andre Harrell, Sean Combs, Mary J. Blige, Tavis Smiley, Dr. Michelle Callahan, Micheal Baisden, Dr. Benjamin Carson, every black doctor, lawyer, director, singer, dancer, writer, counselor, mechanic, actor, activist, every African American, and  PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
This list could go on and on from every month of every year because black America is not just rap music and saggy pants. Progress of this magnitude deserves acknowledgment. We are a force of power, knowledge, strength, endurance and unbelievable promise. When you come from a history that is as deep as ours, your blood runs power! We should be mindful of that power everyday and not just holidays and the month of February. On this day, take a moment to thank all of those that came before us and try a little bit harder than you did the day before.    Happy Birthday Dr. King!                                                                     {Tarah D.}

Dr. King Quotes (a few of the ones that I love, please enjoy)


*We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.


*All progress is precarious, and the solution of one problem brings us face to face with another problem.


*Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.


*Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.
* have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit together at the table of brotherhood.

*f we are to go forward, we must go back and rediscover those precious values - that all reality hinges on moral foundations and that all reality has spiritual control.

*Property is intended to serve life, and no matter how much we surround it with rights and respect, it has no personal being. It is part of the earth man walks on. It is not man.

*Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.

*The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

*Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.

Word of The Day 1/13/11

Efficacious [ef-i-key-shuhs]-
Capable of having the desired result or effect; effective as ameans, measure, remedy, etc.

Moments of Realization #7

Support

How often do you find yourself needing an extra push from your mate or the person that you are seriously dating? Do you find that sometimes you just wish that he/she would give you some assertive words of motivation? Does it bother you when you have been holding down the fort with no acknowledgement? Sometimes when the chips are down, people have a tendency to find someone to blame and it is usually not themselves. When a financial crisis strikes, more often than not, relationships become divided and fingers start pointing. When a crisis of any sort invades a relationship, it is merely a test, either you survive or you don’t. In this economy especially, many marriages have ended and relationships have ceased to exist. When you go through a struggle, remember that normally, no one person is suffering more than the other. Try to be the shoulder for one another. Try to find comfort in one another. Now, ask yourself how often you do that for them? Most men want their woman to rub their shoulders and let them know how appreciated they are. They like to hear how much you love them and are proud of them. Women like to hear how beautiful they are looking, or how great the house looks. How she is doing a wonderful job at work and at home. How he is an excellent father and still has time to make you happy. These things are important even if you have been together for 25 years. People are still people and it is nice to know that are appreciated by their loved one. Just remember that the next time you walk in the house give a simple compliment of support. Do not kick each other when you are down. Do not throw anything in the others face, because that adds fuel to the fire. As hard as it will seem, once you overcome that trial/test, your testimony will be great! If you are not married, your vows will be strong because you have overcome a great challenge together. If you are married, that bond will seal tighter than you can imagine. {Tarah D.}

*Key Point - Appreciate the one you have. None of us are perfect, we are all just trying…

Wisdom-My Master Plan

My master plan is in effect. My mind is strengthened, my tools are sharpened! I'm ready for battle to inflict wisdom on the world! My thoughts and words will be well thought out. My subconscious and conscious mind will remain intertwined to created a master mind of life, business, and intellectual stability. My goal is to become more perspicacious with each day. Take pride in what you put in your head and what you speak out of your mouth. Turn off the tv and open a book every once in awhile! Try your best to stay positive because only you control your attitude. Don't give anyone else that power over you!

Word of The Day 1/11/11

Today's Word of the Day- Perspicacious [pur-spi-key-shuhs]- mentally acute- acutely insightful and wise.

I decided to start this because I have an inquisitive mind and a thirst for knowledge. I believe it is important to enhance yourself in every way, everyday. I hope that you enjoy this and use the words, as much as my life informational blogs. Take time to feed your mind. Enjoy family! {Tarah D.}

Moments of Realization #7

"Self Respect"

As a woman it is extremely hard to watch other women believe that they only need, want and have 2 assets. Those assets are their butts and breasts. It does not matter what shade you are, what body type or how long your hair is. Those should never be your only assets. Some have sold themselves all the way out for a few drinks, dinner, or even some shoes. However, being a woman is being a business woman all day. Our daily lives consists of making it work. When you meet a man, make sure that he dates/courts you. Increase your standards and no, texting you to confirm that you can still make it is not cool. No, you can not pick him up and no you are not going dutch on the first date. Having low or no standards when it comes to men and how far you will go, makes it hard on the women who know their worth. I understand that many women did not have fathers growing up, but that is the biggest reason why they should know what they will and will not tolerate off of a man. Stop using ” I had no daddy” as an excuse to be a hoe, some men are waiting on that. Stop giving up the a$$ as soon as you meet. Stop being the booty call, if he only sees you at night (your a booty call). Stop believing everything these men tell you “girl you are a star with that body”. That’s cool to be a star with a great body, so is Giselle, but she is sitting on millions! The energy that is put into calling yourself a pimp for a few dollars, can be put into building a business. Sexy is fantastic but a woman with a head on her shoulders and money in the bank is worth gold! Think about it! {Tarah D.}
*Key Point- Stop short changing yourself and then complaining in your facebook status

Moments of Realization #6

Finding your Mate

Trust me, I know that this is difficult. Ladies may have that long list that they have been adding to, for the last 10 years. Every time you meet a man, you go down the checklist in your head. This is all before giving the man a chance on his own merit. Men, especially the mamas boys, have a tendency to compare women to their mom’s or even the ex’s. Men are visual so they like what is appealing to the eye. Women do to, but they are more willing to work with a confident man even if they are not a visual 10. As both men and women go through their laundry list, it is essential to have most of the qualities that they seek. The main reason is that, if you want a man that makes 6 figures, has no children, and his own home, Im sure that he would like the same things in a woman. If you want a woman that has no children, can cook, and is faithful, it would behoove you to measure up. Now the problems come in when you see obvious signs during the dating phase. Now please know that there is still a such thing as a dating phase. This does not mean that because he is cute, he should move from his mom’s house to yours. Or the only way that you can talk to the person is by text message and never after 8pm. Or because she has a great body, you should ignore the fact that she is sitting outside your house at night and calling you 10 times a day. Before saying yes, to the relationship take time getting to know that person. People are not always honest, some are married, have several undisclosed children, and even are jobless. If this is what you want in a mate, then fine. However, if you really want to get to know the person that you are attracted to, take the necessary time. Three months is a good amount of time to make a solid decision for a monogamous relationship. **DATING DOES NOT MEAN RELATIONSHIP, AND YOU ARE STILL FREE TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE UNTIL YOU AGREE OTHERWISE** This person could still be a great liar and make it through the initial 3 month phase. Make sure that both of you agree on being in a relationship and what you expect from it. The last thing people want are unmentioned expectations. Stop trying to force him/her into what you want them to be. They do not need to be reminded about you being a great catch, if they think you are, they will do right by you. You just have to know if you are willing to stay around for the drama hoping they will change or move on to the next one. You must know about religion, children, marriage, money, etc. beforehand. Please remember that no matter how hard you try, you can not change a person. Don’t listen to him/her saying, “I will get a divorce” “I will get that paternity test”, “he is just my ex, but he helps me around the house”. If you do not like things about them now, get out early.  This is not first date conversation, but it should come up within those 3 months. {Tarah D.}

*Key points- Be realistic when you are in the dating world! And all advice is not good advice, but you should keep it in your head because it may help someone else.

Moments of Realization #5

Interracial Relations and Open Mindedness

I have had may discussions with both men and women that find it difficult to find that special mate. They have been on the lookout for many years with a plethora of unhappy and dead end relationships. My questions is, why do some people not look outside their own race to find love? Also why do some people find it offensive when one delves into other races to find love? Finding that person that makes you smile just because they woke up the next morning is worth looking in places that you haven’t visited. Just food for thought! {Tarah D} 

*Key point- Open you mind and don’t judge book by other peoples summary!

Moments of Realization #4

“The Date Scene” 

Have you ever just watched people in a nightclub or network event? There are the men who make no attempt to talk to the women because they are use to women approaching them and falling all over them because of visual status. The women may not know anything about him, but he may be well dressed and spending money. There are women that make no attempt to speak to an attractive guy because men have always approached them. The opportunity may be missed because she gives off the “stay away” glare. You must be very alert about meeting people on the club scene because that may be their regular lifestyle. That would work if it is also your style. If it is not, it will become a problem. Many find themselves upset with the person if they go to the club every other weekend. However this is where you met the person and you can not put expectations on the person if they were not initially discussed. One of the biggest problems with trying to talk to someone in those environments, is the “group factor”. Most people go out with friends, which can make it a little intimidating to the individuals that are wanting to converse with one of the group members. When you are really on the look out, try going to after work events when you are alone. You will be amazed at how many people you will meet. The groups are fun, however you want to find someone and get to know them without the initial influence of your friends. Those scenes are not the only great places to meet people. In my opinion the best place to meet a nice person is in the grocery store. I know it sounds weird, but its true. We all have to eat! {Tarah D.}
*Key point- Brush your hair and look decent for your next trip to the grocery store.

Moments of Realization #3

“Communication”

Start the year with positive affirmations. In life we all have paths that are taken. I believe that there are several paths in which we are destined to take. We may choose one that leads us to wealth when another leads us to death. This road decision is a very heavy one and so many considerations must be made. I had every intention on typing this for the first day of the year, but the words had not yet hit me. When I write, I write as easy as the river flows. However, the words are well thought out prior to logging on. When you are out in this world searching for a mate, find a listener and be a listener. The strength of your relationship lies within its communication. There will be a ton of work to do to maintain it but its worth it. You will find that many of the fights, and steps away from leaving, all revolve around whether someone listened to the other. The key to listening effectively, is to pay attention to every word prior to jumping in, instead of just “hearing” the person. A relationship is like a baby and a long term career. It will require nurturing and affection, as well as time and dedication. Whatever path you choose, choose a partner who is willing to walk the tough miles. Who is will to help you battle your skeletons without burying yourself in baggage. Life is funny. Just when you think you have it figured out, here comes the monkey wrench. Now pay close attention… Be careful how you deal with that monkey wrench, it could very well be your test for your testimony!
*Key point- Shhhhh, you do not always have to have the first or last word! {Tarah D.}

Moments of Realization #2

“Remodel Yourself”

Whenever I hear women say that there are no good men in world, it is often because the men that they want are already married, gay, unavailable, or just not ready to settle down. These are signs that are known well before the relationship goes too far. How is it that even once some find out about those current status, some women stay? Well first, some stay because although the man is unavailable, there is still some type of male attention. The need for attention can be so over-powering that it consumes one. As a woman one must remember to always consider yourself first. Take pride in everything that you represent and stand firm to that. I have found that some women can be strong and controlling in every aspect of their lives except the love life. It is irrelevant if you can “tell someone off at work” or “curse out your friends” if you can’t address the wrongs in your relationship. As for the men, it takes a real and strong man to know when they are ready to settle down, and that alone will enhance their lives as well. The men that are unavailable in those capacities may thrive on the women that have that need for companionship by any means. That situation makes them predators and the women prey. Most people want honesty about the upfront and general information in the “getting to know you” process. In the dating world it is necessary to remember the courting process. This process is very important and has been reiterated in almost every relationship book you can find. Both men and women have faced these issues while dating, but if you continue to hit the road blocks with the same type pf person, then you must “remodel yourself”! We will discuss that in the later blogs as we develop our relationship.       {Tarah D.}

*Key point- Remodel yourself if what you have been doing for years is not leading you to the healthy relationship that you seek.

Moments of Realization #1

“Snapping into 2011″

Dear 2011,

I’m really hoping that you will open people’s eyes up that are in dead end relationships, but stay because of time invested. Also, can you hand out some self esteem, dignity and self worth so they can stop saying they have it but don’t have a clue. Oh and please give them understanding that what you want in a mate, you must exude yourself. And lastly, true happiness & alone time with self. Thanks! See you soon! {Tarah D}

*Key point- Snap into 2011 with the force of lightning. Enhance yourself in ways that you could not foresee in your future. Push toward your full potential!

Marriage

When you marry, don’t marry because of practicality or years of dating. Marry because he/she is your best friend and your heart helped make the decision. The brightest point of your life. Marriage is not the final step, but the start of a beautiful beginning. Marriage is not easy, nor is it for the faint of heart. The days can be hard and the roads can be tough. However, with the right partner, it is worth every second of every day. You want to marry your best friend because you are more likely to forgive your best friend rather than an acquaintance. You will need that type of forgiveness in your marriage. You will both need to be fighters. If you are not ready for that challenge, then back away from the aisle! Enjoy your day {Tarah D.}

Hot Topic- Let’s talk about SEX

**Disclaimer- YOU MAY USE FAKE NAME FOR ANONYMITY PURPOSES***

How important is sex and money to the relationship? Does it depends on whether sex is consistent and good? Is it 50% of the relationship if you are not getting it? What do you consider bad or good sex? Are you able to tell you significant other about your fantasies or desires without judgment, if not is that an issue? For most women, sex comes with the emotional and intimate attachment which may be needed to have great sex. The need to feel desired verses (screwed) for lack of a better term. Put it out there and discuss the real issues of the adult sexual world and road blocks. Do the single people believe that unattached sex is better for them? No strings, no issues. Do the monogamous people believe that they have better sex? If so, why? I have found that the biggest problem for some relationships is the lack of intimacy. Even if one person tells their mate of their needs, the other does not always take it under advisement. The single world has the issue of having to be very cautious of the selected partners due to STD’s, down low brothers (or sisters), and uncertainties. To be fair there are some couples dealing with the same issues. How do you work past those issues, or do you? {Tarah D.}

Love, Life, and All Its Challenges

Many of us find ourselves in love. We do not always remember when it started but it felt good. Somehow in the years of togetherness you may feel like you lost yourself or lost something. You have been an individual for so long that you struggle to conform to your new life. You love your mate, but the push and pull can get tough. The smallest thing can quite possible set you off. Or you just don’t quite know why they are so mad about such a small issue. Sound familiar? Whether you are married or not is irrelevant, because each relationship requires a certain amount of conformity. The roles then begin, who takes the kids to school, wakes up at 5 to feed the crying baby, does the dishes, or cooks. In the mist of trying to make this thing work, you still try to keep a little of yourself for yourself. Question: how do you achieve that? What do you find most difficult with relationships whether you are single or involved? What is the most attractive thing in a man or woman?

Singles: What are the issues that come with being single? If you find it hard to date, what could be done to improve it? Would you be receptive to singles event that are tailored to your standards? Being single comes with perks and negatives, Im sure. What are they?

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