Positively Love- Love, Life, Not So Much and All That Jazz!!: Sex...Quantity or Quality

Positively Love- Love, Life, Not So Much and All That Jazz!!: Sex...Quantity or Quality: If you are in a relationship/marriage for anything past 3 years, are having sex to keep them away from someone else or do you really enjoy...

Sex...Quantity or Quality

If you are in a relationship/marriage for anything past 3 years, are having sex to keep them away from someone else or do you really enjoy it? Does quality or quantity matter? In a recent discussion I have asked several couples that have been together for years, which makes the biggest difference, quality or quantity? I've heard " we have sex weekly but I do it as a chore so I'm not really into it", "it may not always be weekly but it's always very good", " I don't do anything unless it's very good, no questions asked". Many couples have very tailored sex lives, but I have heard " it's a chore", quite a few times. I wonder why that is. Sex as a chore as a means to keep someone from cheating is just as bad as not doing it at all. Simply because the other person knows and can feel that you are not into it and that lack of intimacy can drive them in another directions. Just keep in mind, whenever you do it, no matter how, put your heart and soul in it!!!

 *photo- scribewise.com

Security Blanket...

What's the first thing you thought of?? Well remember when you broke up with that person who you just knew wasn't a good fit or at least wanted to break up. He or she won't marry you but they will stay in a relationship or even carry on a 5+ year engagement. Even if you break up, you go right back together. That's your security blanket! You know that person may not even have your best interest at heart, but your comfortable. The sex is good, really really good, so your blinded by the sheets! They are financially secure with good credit, but talks to you like a child or emasculates you, They tell your that they are still growing or just bare with them as they mature, but should you really have too? Are you a security blanket or are you using one? So, how do you get from under the covers? Well, first you must figure it out and admit it. What do you really want in life? What drives you to succeed? Can you say that without a shadow of a doubt, that this person will be there for important things. You can so easily call your friends stupid for being in the same situation, but why are exempt from your own advice? The best thing you can do to fix your situation is think about the advice you would give a friend in the same situation and TAKE IT YOURSELF!!! Only you know when your sick and tired, so only you can change it! 


   
 Image courtesy of: http://www.holistichealthandme.com

What are you looking at...

When I walk the malls, I often see women knocking their men upside the head, tapping him on the shoulder, or staring at him with a hard glare. All because of what?? You know what... The infamous look at other women. Now ladies, we must be honest with ourselves, you have looked at another man before. The difference is that you haven't been caught, lol! Why, because we use our eyes only!! Fellas, please remember that you are with your woman when looking. Don't get caught staring in another woman's eyes and making eye contact, definite no-no. Just glance, but NEVER EVER turn around to get another look. We women find that disrespectful. Now the fact is that people are human and will find others attractive, it's natural. Looking is a non physical reaction and it should remain that way. Some women will look at you before you even notice the women because she noticed her first and knows that she may be your physical type, lol!! At the end of the day, the best tip I have for the guys on this subject is simple: ONLY LOOK WITH YOUR EYES, NOT YOUR HEAD!! Your whole head should not rotate because a Maliah Michel, or Meagan Fox look-alike has walked in the mall. I know it's hard fellas, but your going home with the woman next to you, you do not want that argument for the remainder of the evening or even the week. Besides, he will only say... I was just looking, I'm with you honey...Sound familiar guys ;-)

Am I destined to be single??

So you're in a relationship for 6 months ( timeframe may vary) and decide to move in together. However, you still have a wandering eye or lustful thoughts for others. So now you want your space and think it is time to take a break even though you really care deeply for this person. You now start second guessing whether or not you should even be in a relationship. Sound familiar? Well let me give you my thoughts on the subject.... People that are in successful and happy marriages for 25 years, have found themselves looking at other people (which we discussed in the previous post). Having lustful thoughts can be very bad depending on the actions that follow. I'm a realist so please understand when I say the actions, not the thoughts, are the bigger deal. When you love someone, you have to consider how you would feel if the tables were turned. All these ingredients aren't a recipe for staying single unless you want it to be. Everything worth having is worth fighting for. It's not often that you meet a person that loves you completely, not for what you can do for them, but because of who you are. Their complete acceptance of you. We are all flawed with baggage but real love isn't that common, so if you find it, grab it! If you decide to go along with a break, see how you feel without the person. If you feel empty, then rethink that decision. If you feel free, then you made the right decision. The best start to a relationship, is a friendship. People are more forgiving of their friends, then their lovers. Friendships make the relationship stronger and places it on a better foundation. Things go wrong in love, but cutting and running because of fear or claustrophobia are not good reasons to lose out on a good thing. No one is perfect and loving is a learning process and relationship are balancing acts. Make it happen!

 

Is this love...Forever??

Recently I had a conversation with a friend about love and relationships. She said that each time she parts ways with a boyfriend, they always tell her "you're a great catch and a good woman". Simple and sweet, right?? Well that's what I thought too and I'm sure there are several men and maybe some women, that would agree. Welp... We are wrong, here is what she told me. "I'm always a great woman after they are gone and getting married to someone else. I'm always good, but not good enough to be your wife"? 
I would have never in a million years, thought about it that way. I just thought that the words were nice. So, note to self guys, once you part ways with a woman, DO NOT SAY THOSE WORDS IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE. ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE ABOUT TO OR HAVE WALKED DOWN THE AISLE. Just a word to the wise. A broken heart can heal, but it doesn't diminish the scar. 

Love or Friendship?

I was watching divorce court one day and each person was saying "I still love him/her, but I want out"! So my question is, what makes the marriage last? In my opinion, it is the friendship. No matter how much you love your mate, you must be their friend first. A marriage can not blissfully succeed without it. My reason is simple.... Your friends are easily forgiven. They may lie to you or even talk behind your back, but somehow you say it's ok and are friends once again. If at some point your spouse disagrees with you or tells you a white lie, oh it's over!!! Call the lawyers and divide this stuff up! So often do people say, Why can he/she not talk to me, the way they are so open with their friends. Well, why not open the door. First, leave the judgement, criticism, and snarky comments at the door. Your spouse wants a friend, not a tyrant, judge or jury. It's never to late unless the proceedings have begun, but even then you never know. Marriages and relationships are on a rapid decline, when the vows were said, they were said with forever on mind. Now if it is most definitely a done deal , so be it!